It's so easy to run into objections from family and friends when you use parenting strategies that don't look to them like you're taking control. "You're just letting him run the show," and "How can you allow that?" are common remarks from those who don't understand that connection is the key to improving intense child behaviors.
I want you to know you're not alone. AND that you're doing the right thing with your child when you use reflective listening, heartfelt appreciation, family meetings, "I see you" letters, and when you focus on being present in the moment. In fact, if you've been doing these things, you're already proving to yourself that they work!
So how do you address it when others find fault with your approach? It's not easy because you want to stay connected with family and friends and you don't want them feeling negatively about you or your child. Totally understandable.
Here are some ways to respond to negativity.
"Thank you for your concern. Would it be ok with you if I share my reasons for connection with my child this way? You may or may not have noticed that there are still some meltdowns, but that they are much less frequent and they don't last nearly as long as they used to. We see this at home all the time and it's so wonderful to watch him/her/them gain control of big feelings."
"I've learned that an authoritarian ("My way or the highway.") just doesn't work with my child. If I listen and reflect, his body calms down pretty quickly, and the behaviors just shift. I'm doing my best to remember to do this, but I'm not perfect at it. Thanks for your patience as I navigate this tough task of shifting from being the boss to being a collaborator with my child."
"I know you were raised with parents who were in an authority position over you and you just didn't dare cross them. I'm coming to realize that this is "fear based" and I'd rather raise my kids with connection and compassion, because research even shows that they stay connected to their parents long after they've grown much better with this approach. Plus, connection and compassion just feel better to me."
I hope these are helpful hints! Email me at tina@howdoiparentthischild.com if you have questions or for coaching on parenting and/or dealing with critics.
Copyright © 2025 Tina Feigal Coaching No unauthorized use is allowed.
Commentaires