Parenting involves 3 basic components that you maybe never really considered. Physical safety, emotional safety, and environmental safety.
Physical safety is comprised of a home, medical care, and nutrition. These basics are obvious to most parents and generally attainable.
Emotional safety is being able to connect with your child to show that he/she/they are seen, heard, and felt by their caregivers.
Environmental safety is feeling comfortable at school, on the playground, on the team, and in the community at large.
When you were thinking of becoming a parent, or if you're thinking of it now, how much thought have you been able to give all of these categories? How much room is currently available in your life to make space for them?
Looking at today's societal expectations, do you see your education, career and work priorities expressed first and family at the end of the list? It's something I've noticed and I want to offer support and encouragement in this area. Frankly, our society is not well set up for supporting the demands of parenting, so you are not to blame. Other countries offer a year off work with stipends to new parents, free medical care, affordable childcare and even stipends for young adults who are between college and careers. We have a long way to go in this arena.
There are moments, days or weeks for all parents who feel so overloaded that parenting fades into the background, right? You can't take "one more thing" so when you're home with active and needy children, it's just so easy to say, "Not right now! I have too much on my plate! Please just do what you're told!" or to allow more screen time than you know is healthy.
Please know that you are not alone.
How to relieve the stress?
First, take non-vital activities off your plate. Go through your last month and decide what can wait until work and child caring become less intense.
Second, plan committed alone time with each child. It's remarkable how much you'll notice children's behavior improving and how you'll learn about each child in a unique way when they can count on focused attention.
Third, take time for yourself, which is fabulous modeling for your children. Lunch alone, a visit to the library, or walking in nature with a friend can rejuvenate your spirit and strengthen you for when life's expectations feel compelling.
Fourth, allow time for a gratitude journal entry every day. Here's an article that shows its effects. https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/health-benefits-gratitude
Fifth, let go of some tasks and encourage your children's involvement. It's known that the greatest human need is to be needed. If you're "doing it all" and thinking it's for the good of the family, think again. Kids need to learn their worth and one of the best ways is to count on them for their involvement in family life. Take laundry, for instance. They can definitely add clothing and detergent to a washing machine and set it to turn on, then put it in the dryer and start it, empty it and put the clothes away. If each child who can reach the washer controls does his/her/their laundry, think of the burden lifted from you. Yes, get lazy for your kids' sake!
It's good to pace yourself on the above, not expecting yourself to take each item on all at once. Give yourself a month or so to try each item, and avoid self-blame if you miss sometimes. Lowering your own guilt about how you function is vital for both your health and your family's!
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